Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
