you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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