At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
