no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
