You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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