I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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