Im at strip club and am horny
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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