you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
