I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
