I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
