Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
3pm strippers are depressing
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
