After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
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I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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