Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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