If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
