I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
