batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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