Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You ruined the universe
Randomize
