Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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