Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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