So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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