Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
