woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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