you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My breasts were aching with rage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
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