Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
