Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
