let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
