dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
