Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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