Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
