i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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