and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
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