Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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