what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
