If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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