What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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