Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
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i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
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Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize