They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
