what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
