you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
