i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
