Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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