I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
