True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
