I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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