just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
