He called his prostate his "boner button".
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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