I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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