I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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