I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
