I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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