Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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