Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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