I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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