So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
And then he peed in my hair
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