he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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