Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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