9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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