if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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