I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
