AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
