Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
