I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
