I forgot how hot balto sounded
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
