You smell like stripper and shame
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
