My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
We got so high we made milksteak
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
