I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
