I wish I could teleport
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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